To those not in the know.... and i know that means most of u guys out there....

Well lets be honest here... Im Jain.... for people who dont know what that is lemme try to explain in a nutshell..... we believe in the philosophy of ahimsa or non violence....we are strict vegetarians who allow the consumption of milk and follow the teachings of mahavira and the other teerthankaras who we believed achieved a state of all knowingness or moksha....
Now that, thats outta the way i was just wondereing whether we should follow the teachings of these revered people without ever making anychanges to them....
Im not an atheist but i am a skeptic at believing that a group of people or one person would know everthing and never make a mistake... maybe that is possible and maybe not bu thte thing is that if it isnt then why dont we change our beliefs every so often... i mean allow our beleiefs to change with the times....
i mean human civilisation atleast the bulk of it has been advanced by observation and optimization....
even astrology for that matter which in my honest opinion is the summarisation of the generalised observation of millions of people who inhabited this earth before us coalesced into one dramatic unveiling.....
so is it ok to not change, is it ok to modify our beliefs accordingly or should we continue along the path shown to us even though our minds and hearts may tell us otherwise....
this eternal debate may rage on and i will express my views on this from time to time....
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

i donno maybe im just a romantic of heart or completely sold on the westernized notion of candyfloss romance they sell through their tv shows and movies but all i know is that i too want just one slow dance with my girl.... not just one maybe a lot but yeah a slow dance where i am close to her and she is close to me... we are swaying to the slow beats of the music and life becomes more and more perfect in just that one heartbeat....
just a thought through my head....
Till Next Time
See-Ya!!!

A thought just passed through my mind and i decided to put it down...
well and one thing is for sure if i start trying to update this everytime something tumultuous happens in my life then i will be stuck to the lappy for often than not...
but as i had promised i will be more regular in my updates...
news is that things are now sorted out between my best friend n i so things are good in that respect for now atleast....
well my friends asking me to get back to studying will update properly when i reach the room....
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

good morning....lazy sunday saw me comment almost nothing about my life.... well nothing much happened till last night so there was nothing about my life to bore u with... and i really didnt want to come up with philosophies just like that u know.... well now then you must be wondering what the hell happened....umm ok i have this best friend ok lets call her hazel..... and hazel has this other best friend george.....ok so what the argument was about is that hazel always jumps when george asks her to do anything.... and i mean anything....and to me that seems kinda strange....
well i will explain why...
ok maybe not now... i still need a second opinion on what im feeling so will get back to u asap.....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!

heylo again....
ssup....
well did u guys ever wonder that we have all always heard of the mundane mondays but ever thought that a glorious saturday part of the fabled weekend could ever be just that mundane well i guess i just completed the unimaginable and made my saturday morning mundane...
how pray u may ask.... well all i can say to someone asking such an inane question try getting up at 5 in the morning on a sat morning to do journals and u will realise.....
me scooting off to my journal again...
catch u soon....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!

Well, well well… its been a long time since I have posted anything on the blog…heck its been a long time since I have even opened the damn thing let alone post on it… well you might be wondering why the heck I might be calling my own blog a damn thing… for no other reason than I can of course what other reason is there o do things in this world… I use this blog merely as a place to express my self so im gona do just that… recently I was passing through a very confusing part of my life in more ways than one and I didn’t know how to express myself completely so I just let it be… many a times I had started writing a post just to think to my self again why whats the point….. yeah I tend to do that a lot… lots of those things which people consider normal, I consider increasingly cumbersome and don’t end up doing them… gonna start remedying them starting well a few days back… baby steps I know but atleast finally im getting over procrastinating over it all the time…
Well I know this post hasn’t had any single thread of thought flow or anything constructive to say or maybe nothing at all made any sense to you because I kept jumping from one thing to another but from now on im gonna get much more regular in my posts…I know I know I have made that promise a coupla times and very unlike me broken it everytime but seeing as in I have already started inculcating the changes I wanted to see in my life one at a time maybe this one will become easier too….
So till nex time…
(which maybe very soon or very far)
See-Ya!!!

I dont know whats wrong with me since the last few days....
work wise etc etc im fine perfect.... not toooooo tense bout my maths result which is gonna come out today cause im confident of passing it...
but in the other department.... yeah u know the one im talking about the one which involves the special someone in my life i think i have been f**kin up a lil more than my usual screw ups....
not only did i shout at her day before the day before yesterday(all together by mistake cause i was talkin to her n shouting at someone else n she got caught in the crossfire)... i ended up irritating her about her work on sunday.... n then yesterday i freaked her out again....
god i feel so stupid when something like this happens....
i mean lemme explain... what happened was that i was talkin to her about my day on sunday...
i told her that my friends n i had played truth or dare....in that i chose truth.... they asked me that if i had to say right now would i marry her...i took a while to think n said yes....
when i told her this she understandably freaked... but i think she did because she took it in the wrong way..... what was meant by my yes was not that yes i wanna marry her right away but that she is special enough to me to try and find whatever way i can to make this work for us.... its trying to be more an expression of love rather than forcing commitment on to her.... i mean i know what it sounds like but how do i explain it i just like her so much that i wanna give this a fighting chance no matter what.... thats what i meant by yes...
yes to the fact that if i have to take a tough call for this to work then i will...
yes to the fact that i love her enough to say it loud n proud in front of my friends...
yes to wanting to hold her close for a long long time to come...
yes to doing whatever i can for her...
yes to looking out for her happiness as one of the priorities in my life...
yes to sooth all the naysayers in this world...
yes to mean it every single time i tell her i love you...
yes to not stop meaning it till we dont mean anything anymore....
yes to give her the freedom to choose her happiness with me and not be compelled into it...
and finally and to me most importantly...
yes to letting her know that every single time i say 'i love you', i mean it with every syallable entwined in it, with every letter that it is made up of, with every breath it takes to say it and i will continue to mean it in the same way for as long as she lets me...
thats all i meant by yes to the question my friends asked me....
i still stand by what i said and i just hope she now better understands my meaning behind it instead of the simple yes in the not too simple notion of marrige as put forth by my friends...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

Life has a weird way of showing its cruelest colors,
it doesnt wait for the best time to strike or the weakest moment, it just keeps at it in the hope that one of its blows will be fatal, that one blow to bring even the prize fighter to his knees,
this year life has been like this in every sense, studies i got screwed over despite working my ass off, love life was smooth sailing till life decided to toss a rock the size of king kong in its way,
money has always been tight but got tighter still, disappointments rose, the poison is too muh for me, i need an outlet now... just one before the bile will rise above what i can handle and it will kill be or leave me stronger still, cant take much more of this done even want too, life has become too hard and today when the final hope has been sbatched from me all that i can hope is that the old adage that the night is darkest before dawn comes true, because the last light at the end of a never ending tunnel seems to have been taken away, my heart clutches onto the futile hipe that its just another train passing by on the tracks of life.... but it also says this tunnel will surely end... light will strike my head again... stream down my face again....n fill it with happiness to displace all the hurt....it just hopes that it may be my angel but in casr it isnt all it knows is that a part of it is gone till it comes back again......

I went to my Angel,
My brow furrowed tense,
full of questions about the futures sense,
a wind starts to flow,
a clarity seems to grow
I seem to have just one,
just one question now,
'My angel will you love me some more'

That was number one still untitled like most of my other ones,

My heart seemed to quiver,
To shake till it would break,
a thousand hurts flowed through,
each etched deeper than the last one through,

A soothing touch reached through,
the fog enveloping me,
it grabs my hand and steadies it too,
for i seemed to be falling through,

the hurt isnt known to her,
all well as the burden she undertook,
does she think herself strong enough,
to love this bumbling buffoon,

with a calmness sure,
and strength beyond her years,
she leads me through the damp,
its extent still unsure,

The fool struggles for word,
to express his feelings for her now,
finally he settles on this,
'My Angel, my savior, the guider of this ship,
I am but a fool and no more,
and all I have to give you is myself in exchange,
for all this'

'What is this,
for it seems to be enough'
She remarks,
'My love, My loyalty and Faith for ever more'
he says, and for her its seems enough

This is the second one playing around with a few words in my head regarding the title will put it there as soon as i find one which fits,
this is my second effort with the use of a conversation at the end of the poem to lend a slightly human touch to the characters,
purposely didnt make them rhyme cause I am trying very hard to move away from that kind of poetry and come to a slightly more contemporary modern style in which I fell the raw imagery is more relevant than the rhyme scheme which is what I'm trying to grow into.....
Till Next Time,
See-Ya!!!

Was just looking through my options for a masters degree of my choice that is not an MBA but an actual MS meaning a masters degree in the engineering realm...
a thought passed through my mind, i went like this that if i do end up doing a Masters program abroad wherever that maybe I would have to take a job there and start working there for a few years atleast, now this is not the problem where the problem lies is that I am in an extraordinarily wonderful relationship right now, and touch wood it is goin to continue in the same vein for a long time but then how would this relationship be affected by this fact, I really really like this girl enough to tell her I love you and mean it but is it that much that i would be willing to string her along in a long distance relationship for a long time, would it even be fair for me to consider such a thing, i know it has only been a short while since we have been together but the reality of the matter is that i fall for her woth every passing day the more i come to know about her and the way she is,
is it fair to put her through such emotional heartbreak,
not being negative but being practical if this doesnt work out and i choose being in India and pursuing my MBA which seems to be quite a viable option would it seem ok or would i forever feel guilty, because i know people will tell me that you are onyl in your second year of college finish it you have so 2 mor eyears to go before you decide on anything what they dont seem to understand is that despite everything this world has evelved into one of intense competition and unless at this juncture i emerge ahead of the curve I will not be able to rise to the heights i had wanted to in my life to achieve the dreams I had, how would i ever explain this or even discuss it with my angel,
my best friend would listen but she probably wouldnt have any advice and my other best friend would probably just mock me to hell and back so usless there.... but will try talking to them both and see what they say... lets see what decison i come to....
right now i think its time to put my romantic cap on and after a lon time begin thinking of a poem for my angel leaving all these thoughts aside....
next should be a kickass romantic poem post....
Till Next Time
See-Ya!!!

Well its that time of the holidays.... A few days have just managed to meander by me when I'm stationed at home....
so slowly the all seemed to crawl by ensconced in the laziness...
yet deceptive in their fleet footedness the bounded away....
suddenly a conversation on the edges of our mental plane....the very outer reaches of our consciousness seem to register just a faint ripple of the cosmic imbalance surrounding us.....
we suddenly begin to shake the newly formed cobwebs from their resting places, oil up our mental cogwheels and decide to truly take stock of the changed landscape lest our time upon pass by at an all too unseemly pace.....
such a fate seems to have befallen me too....
finally some random conversation with the other residents of my house which couldnt be just differed away with a series of half hearted grunts and snorts made me awaken from my slumber of solitude...
and i began to make a list of all that i wish to accomplish in these few short weeks in Bombay.....
so here goes....

• Study maths(uugh!!!....i know but ive done the crime so gotta do the time)
• Get my passport made
• Help my cousin get his admissions stuff in order
• Get a cordless phone for the house
• Meet everyone from French
• Go for counselling
• Decide and then start makin arrangements for my postgrad studies
• Catchup on my reading
• Finally try to make sense of PHP
• Then try to create my own forum with tweaks usin the same
• last but not least COOK!!!(a few experiments will do)

The tongues of men,
those gilded weapons of glib,
the strokes seem to fly sure and true,
with those blades which will never dull,
till a thousand souls they have kulled

the praises they utter,
seem to be written on the sands of time,
never worth more to them than a lost dime,
even though they seem to set a thousand hearts a flutter,
for they are the sharpest tool of all,
the sweet poison which may cause,
yet a thousand innocents to fall,

The critiques though seem to be easier still,
the vilifications easier to come by,
they though are hewn on the stones of eternity,
and it takes a true mason to erode the marks away,
symbols though they are of our failings,
blunt weapons they are which leave their mark,
scars on us which must remain reminders stark

we must learn to recognise these
in all their many shades,
for it isnt the naked weapon which is deadly,
but one which strikes without a whisper,
as it cuts through the air swift and true,
for the blade which may be deflected,
may be deflected still,
but the cloaked dagger will find its mark true....

Thats all i can seem to say to sum up my feelings right now.....
I just did something i never would have thought i would do in my life...
I completely blanked in n exam....
i mean yeah im prone to these n all but never have they been so bad...
n never after so much effort....
all those nights of work... those mornings of getting up at 5 to make a mark all seem to be useless now....
i cant even bring my self to face the facts ... I FAILED....
I left n exam because i couldn't recall anything.....i couldn't prove to my self that i was smart the thing i keep tooting my horn about......
one of the most valuable things i had is now gone....
my confidence in my ability.....something despite all the exams i did badly in , all the entrance exams i couldn't crack disappeared, gone in an instant, poof!!!!
i cant even begin to think the kind of blow this will be to my parents, my mom with her unwavering confidence in me probably shattered forever, my dad his silent support always there by my side, my sis for whom i so wanted to be an idol or at least something whose some qualities could be emulated if not all......
i don't know now how to face the world and whether its all gonna be worth it any more,
yeah i have 4 more exams coming up, but how am i now supposed to tell myself that yeah u can do it, no one can hold you down, the world is for your taking?
how will i inspire confidence in my self again, how will i face not the world but my self, the world can be fooled but not myself, they can be told yeah that u know there wasn't enough effort n they wont blink, but how will i tell myself that when i have burned the midnight oil to go far yet failed,
they say that our losses will show us the path to what we have truly achieved, but i ask can i ever recover from such a loss,
another part of me seems to scream out you have the support of everyone who matters, what more do you want, yes your parents are going to be disappointed yes they will be shocked but also no matter what they are going to be by your side, they are going to help you get through these tumultuous times nto only that you have your friends the most loyal ones the ones you can truly count on,
another thing bothering me is the fact that im going to have fewer days in bombay this time round with close to none woth my angel, i hope she understands maybe this is all part of a test that God has planned out for me.....
i cant seem to wrap my head around all that is happening but one thing that i do seem to know is that
Now is the time for me to move forward, to hold my head high and stride through these dark waters, now is the time for me to pay back the confidence shown in me by all tose by my side, friends, family them all....
now is the time not to be depressed but revitalized, to consider this as a new oppurtunity for the unknown and to dive head first into this and regain the shattered confidence the world seemed to have in me no matter how long it takes..... to day is the time for me to rise stronger despite life trying to push me down further....
looking forward to cracking the next exams...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

I guess the title says it all....its been a long time since i last posted.....
well life has been progressing at a breakneck speed at have hardly had time to collect my thoughts enough that i would be able to post.....
there was me coming back from meeting my angel....
my exams breathing down my neck.....
they goin on now btw..... :(
n lotsa other things some good some bad...
now have lotsa ideas for posts n once i hit my home base come dec 5th there is gonna be lotsa furious bloggin with me havin many ideas for stuff to write n also lotsa changes gonna be made on the blog itself so it looks much nicer, has tags for everything and is a lot cooler in every way.....
so leving the blog unattened once again till then...
this is me wishin my self best of luck for my maths exam n saying
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

I dance this dance
Oh what a terrific dance,
A dance which will never truly end,
A dance to the tune of Life,

I dance with different partners through out
each with their presence flitting
their touch only grazing,
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance for the spectators umpteen,
for to with their applause,
does life's tempo resound,
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance with a mask,
one of happiness profound,
one that dare not slip for this is
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance though I tire
without a moments respite
my feet must keep moving to this
a dance to the tune of life

I grow weary with my arms leaden,
with a thousand caresses,
but never one which blesses during this
a dance to the tune of life

I search for that one
the one touch I can call my own
one which I can claim as my own during
a dance to the tune of life

I seem to be lost
just one among the crowd
who all seem to be dancing this dance
a dance to the tune of life

I seem to be destined to never stop
to never rest my feet
to never just let go as I must dance this dance
a dance to the tune of life

I must never let slip my mask
never lay a foot out of line
for I am bound to this
a dance to the tune of life

I am to remain the performer
damned to dance forever
never to stop this dance
a demonic dance to the tune of life
with a smiling mask
a crying face
and applause the only sign of respite
for the show must always go on
and this is one which will never stop to flow
as after all it is
a dance,
a dance to the tune of life

They say that life’s purpose can be fulfilled if we can find a single friend with whom to share even a moments peace with, a moments silence, a moments anger or a instant of pure joy.....
They say that we can be truly free only if we can get a helping hand to set us free.....
They say we can be truly joyous only if we find someone who won’t keep the joy they feel for us inside their heart but allow it to radiate to all around us.....
They say true friends are the ones that don’t demand a reason as to why you demanded a service but demand a reason as to why you didn’t......
They say that no man is an island, but i believe that every man is an island but friendship is the bridge that ties us together....
They say self independence is the strongest suit a man can have and in this world the strong are the ones who survive....i say with a friend like you who can ever call me weak...
They say friends are those who will listen to you when you cry... but u tell me to quiet down and that to me is true friendship indeed.....
They say friends should always be above a life partner... to them i say that with a friend like you would i ever be in danger of makin that mistake....
They say the truest friends are not those who demand promises of you but make their own.....
And with that i fully agree....
thats why Bids all i have have to say u is i promise.....
Come rain or sun or snow....
Come a thousand mountains or miles or ages.....
Come a thousand fights or breakups or enemies entwined....
Come the titans of tartarus upon these earths or indras thunderbolts of rage.....
I will stand by you and be the shoulder u need till time wears away at your bones....
Till you need me to carry you home or a place to hide your tears....
Till time stops and beyond...
Ours is a friendship that will linger on till the day of judgement is upon us and then allah himself will say this is a friendship to stay till the end of time.....

This is one of the posts I had promised courtesy a few posts back.... a lil while in coming but finally it is here.....
well im kinda confused as to how someone starts talking about something like this so pardon the clumsy as hell start....
well over the past few days there have been times where thankfully i have had time to my self to just think introspect and to analyse.....
what one might ask.....
well the thing I needed to take a long hard good look at was me it had been a long time since i had actually taken a mirror and microscope upto myself and given myself a good once over.....
well one of the things I wanted to long at this time amongst many was the truth.. no no that seems to be too harsh a thing to say ummm.... lemme think the correct thing would be the validity of the way everyone looks at me and my intelligence....
I on one hand keep acting very pompous and high and mighty about the fact that I am smart and that at one point in my life I had an IQ of 156 which is on the fairly higher side given any which scale which one might want to use as a yardstick........ this causes me to be arrogant at times and dismissive too of not only people i dont care about but even those i do care deeply about.....
this is some thing I should be very careful about because such behaviour may hurt those I care about however unintentionally........
Also I personally have started viewing myself as somewhat of a bag of hot air who just keeps promising and promising and u know like shows the possibilities but is never quite able to deliver on those promises......on thing i must realise soon enough is that this causes me to be seen not only in other peoples eyes but even my own as a blow hard......someone who brags just to fulfill his ego no matter how false those things may actually be......
i need to realise that the potential I seem to have which everyone including myself seem to be able to see is potential or anything for that matter worth being proud of if eventually in life i am able to fulfill what potential actually means.......
what it actually means to quote a web site is "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being:"
means unless I actually achieve it or even come close to it, it will always be left as a capacity.... one never fulfilled never achieved, never set on the path of growth to be there......
so now it is upto me as a person.... not as a son or friend or any of those wide variety of relationships we accept in life but as the one we didnt have a choice to accept that of being a living breathing person, whether I go out an achieve that potential of mine or not,
whether i prove all those people who seem to believe in me for no apparent reason true....
whether i make some thing out of this ability i seem to possess or do i just squander it away....
I think the time is now ripe for me to take the lead.... to take control of my life and steer it in the right direction.... with everything positive on the academic and my angel by my side I can only very strongly try to convince myself that yes enough is enough.....
no more excuses, no more procrastination
now is the time to act and its upto me to do so.....
Till next time.....
a rejuvenated and mentally lighter teenager says...
See-Ya!!!

I seem to be falling still
though time seems to have never stopped,
and it makes me realise now,

All it takes to make me fall for you again,
Is nothing much just that look in your eyes,
when I look into them after a long lonely break,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing much just the security of your arms,
wrapped around me so tight,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more just your hands around my face,
trying to rediscover every contour,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing mare than the thought of you by my side,
even from a million miles close,
and Im still falling for you still,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing mare than the whispers of the night,
because they are the solace i seek in loud world full of blight,
and Im still falling for you still,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more than a touch of your lips,
every emotion in them right,
and Im falling for you still,

And it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more than imagining you with all the while,
because all I seem to know and care then my love,
Is that its your love Im falling into still,
with no end in sight
and all my heart seems to tell me is
I will love you even after the morn seems to turn into night again
till a time which will never seem to end......

Lots has been on my mind today and as I mentioned in my last post I was kinda choked up on how i should express everything i was feelin or even felt like saying.... so I figured that the best that i could do was to put them out in a series of posts like installments instead of all together u know what I mean...... cause I have lotsa stuff i wanna say and not all of them fall into the same category... one of it is a poem which i was finally able to write just cause i met my girl......
another is a lil introspective thing basically just my thoughts on my abilities n stuff......
the next is one where i talk bout my friends n life in general a lil bit.......
and also one where i try and figure out what is the difference between a girlfriend and a best friend and still stay absolutely confused and happy in that.....
so i sign off with my regular but promise the next time will be sooner than later....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!!!