This is one of the posts I had promised courtesy a few posts back.... a lil while in coming but finally it is here.....
well im kinda confused as to how someone starts talking about something like this so pardon the clumsy as hell start....
well over the past few days there have been times where thankfully i have had time to my self to just think introspect and to analyse.....
what one might ask.....
well the thing I needed to take a long hard good look at was me it had been a long time since i had actually taken a mirror and microscope upto myself and given myself a good once over.....
well one of the things I wanted to long at this time amongst many was the truth.. no no that seems to be too harsh a thing to say ummm.... lemme think the correct thing would be the validity of the way everyone looks at me and my intelligence....
I on one hand keep acting very pompous and high and mighty about the fact that I am smart and that at one point in my life I had an IQ of 156 which is on the fairly higher side given any which scale which one might want to use as a yardstick........ this causes me to be arrogant at times and dismissive too of not only people i dont care about but even those i do care deeply about.....
this is some thing I should be very careful about because such behaviour may hurt those I care about however unintentionally........
Also I personally have started viewing myself as somewhat of a bag of hot air who just keeps promising and promising and u know like shows the possibilities but is never quite able to deliver on those promises......on thing i must realise soon enough is that this causes me to be seen not only in other peoples eyes but even my own as a blow hard......someone who brags just to fulfill his ego no matter how false those things may actually be......
i need to realise that the potential I seem to have which everyone including myself seem to be able to see is potential or anything for that matter worth being proud of if eventually in life i am able to fulfill what potential actually means.......
what it actually means to quote a web site is "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being:"
means unless I actually achieve it or even come close to it, it will always be left as a capacity.... one never fulfilled never achieved, never set on the path of growth to be there......
so now it is upto me as a person.... not as a son or friend or any of those wide variety of relationships we accept in life but as the one we didnt have a choice to accept that of being a living breathing person, whether I go out an achieve that potential of mine or not,
whether i prove all those people who seem to believe in me for no apparent reason true....
whether i make some thing out of this ability i seem to possess or do i just squander it away....
I think the time is now ripe for me to take the lead.... to take control of my life and steer it in the right direction.... with everything positive on the academic and my angel by my side I can only very strongly try to convince myself that yes enough is enough.....
no more excuses, no more procrastination
now is the time to act and its upto me to do so.....
Till next time.....
a rejuvenated and mentally lighter teenager says...
See-Ya!!!