Thats all i can seem to say to sum up my feelings right now.....
I just did something i never would have thought i would do in my life...
I completely blanked in n exam....
i mean yeah im prone to these n all but never have they been so bad...
n never after so much effort....
all those nights of work... those mornings of getting up at 5 to make a mark all seem to be useless now....
i cant even bring my self to face the facts ... I FAILED....
I left n exam because i couldn't recall anything.....i couldn't prove to my self that i was smart the thing i keep tooting my horn about......
one of the most valuable things i had is now gone....
my confidence in my ability.....something despite all the exams i did badly in , all the entrance exams i couldn't crack disappeared, gone in an instant, poof!!!!
i cant even begin to think the kind of blow this will be to my parents, my mom with her unwavering confidence in me probably shattered forever, my dad his silent support always there by my side, my sis for whom i so wanted to be an idol or at least something whose some qualities could be emulated if not all......
i don't know now how to face the world and whether its all gonna be worth it any more,
yeah i have 4 more exams coming up, but how am i now supposed to tell myself that yeah u can do it, no one can hold you down, the world is for your taking?
how will i inspire confidence in my self again, how will i face not the world but my self, the world can be fooled but not myself, they can be told yeah that u know there wasn't enough effort n they wont blink, but how will i tell myself that when i have burned the midnight oil to go far yet failed,
they say that our losses will show us the path to what we have truly achieved, but i ask can i ever recover from such a loss,
another part of me seems to scream out you have the support of everyone who matters, what more do you want, yes your parents are going to be disappointed yes they will be shocked but also no matter what they are going to be by your side, they are going to help you get through these tumultuous times nto only that you have your friends the most loyal ones the ones you can truly count on,
another thing bothering me is the fact that im going to have fewer days in bombay this time round with close to none woth my angel, i hope she understands maybe this is all part of a test that God has planned out for me.....
i cant seem to wrap my head around all that is happening but one thing that i do seem to know is that
Now is the time for me to move forward, to hold my head high and stride through these dark waters, now is the time for me to pay back the confidence shown in me by all tose by my side, friends, family them all....
now is the time not to be depressed but revitalized, to consider this as a new oppurtunity for the unknown and to dive head first into this and regain the shattered confidence the world seemed to have in me no matter how long it takes..... to day is the time for me to rise stronger despite life trying to push me down further....
looking forward to cracking the next exams...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!