I dont know whats wrong with me since the last few days....
work wise etc etc im fine perfect.... not toooooo tense bout my maths result which is gonna come out today cause im confident of passing it...
but in the other department.... yeah u know the one im talking about the one which involves the special someone in my life i think i have been f**kin up a lil more than my usual screw ups....
not only did i shout at her day before the day before yesterday(all together by mistake cause i was talkin to her n shouting at someone else n she got caught in the crossfire)... i ended up irritating her about her work on sunday.... n then yesterday i freaked her out again....
god i feel so stupid when something like this happens....
i mean lemme explain... what happened was that i was talkin to her about my day on sunday...
i told her that my friends n i had played truth or dare....in that i chose truth.... they asked me that if i had to say right now would i marry her...i took a while to think n said yes....
when i told her this she understandably freaked... but i think she did because she took it in the wrong way..... what was meant by my yes was not that yes i wanna marry her right away but that she is special enough to me to try and find whatever way i can to make this work for us.... its trying to be more an expression of love rather than forcing commitment on to her.... i mean i know what it sounds like but how do i explain it i just like her so much that i wanna give this a fighting chance no matter what.... thats what i meant by yes...
yes to the fact that if i have to take a tough call for this to work then i will...
yes to the fact that i love her enough to say it loud n proud in front of my friends...
yes to wanting to hold her close for a long long time to come...
yes to doing whatever i can for her...
yes to looking out for her happiness as one of the priorities in my life...
yes to sooth all the naysayers in this world...
yes to mean it every single time i tell her i love you...
yes to not stop meaning it till we dont mean anything anymore....
yes to give her the freedom to choose her happiness with me and not be compelled into it...
and finally and to me most importantly...
yes to letting her know that every single time i say 'i love you', i mean it with every syallable entwined in it, with every letter that it is made up of, with every breath it takes to say it and i will continue to mean it in the same way for as long as she lets me...
thats all i meant by yes to the question my friends asked me....
i still stand by what i said and i just hope she now better understands my meaning behind it instead of the simple yes in the not too simple notion of marrige as put forth by my friends...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!