I dont know whats wrong with me since the last few days....
work wise etc etc im fine perfect.... not toooooo tense bout my maths result which is gonna come out today cause im confident of passing it...
but in the other department.... yeah u know the one im talking about the one which involves the special someone in my life i think i have been f**kin up a lil more than my usual screw ups....
not only did i shout at her day before the day before yesterday(all together by mistake cause i was talkin to her n shouting at someone else n she got caught in the crossfire)... i ended up irritating her about her work on sunday.... n then yesterday i freaked her out again....
god i feel so stupid when something like this happens....
i mean lemme explain... what happened was that i was talkin to her about my day on sunday...
i told her that my friends n i had played truth or dare....in that i chose truth.... they asked me that if i had to say right now would i marry her...i took a while to think n said yes....
when i told her this she understandably freaked... but i think she did because she took it in the wrong way..... what was meant by my yes was not that yes i wanna marry her right away but that she is special enough to me to try and find whatever way i can to make this work for us.... its trying to be more an expression of love rather than forcing commitment on to her.... i mean i know what it sounds like but how do i explain it i just like her so much that i wanna give this a fighting chance no matter what.... thats what i meant by yes...
yes to the fact that if i have to take a tough call for this to work then i will...
yes to the fact that i love her enough to say it loud n proud in front of my friends...
yes to wanting to hold her close for a long long time to come...
yes to doing whatever i can for her...
yes to looking out for her happiness as one of the priorities in my life...
yes to sooth all the naysayers in this world...
yes to mean it every single time i tell her i love you...
yes to not stop meaning it till we dont mean anything anymore....
yes to give her the freedom to choose her happiness with me and not be compelled into it...
and finally and to me most importantly...
yes to letting her know that every single time i say 'i love you', i mean it with every syallable entwined in it, with every letter that it is made up of, with every breath it takes to say it and i will continue to mean it in the same way for as long as she lets me...
thats all i meant by yes to the question my friends asked me....
i still stand by what i said and i just hope she now better understands my meaning behind it instead of the simple yes in the not too simple notion of marrige as put forth by my friends...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

Life has a weird way of showing its cruelest colors,
it doesnt wait for the best time to strike or the weakest moment, it just keeps at it in the hope that one of its blows will be fatal, that one blow to bring even the prize fighter to his knees,
this year life has been like this in every sense, studies i got screwed over despite working my ass off, love life was smooth sailing till life decided to toss a rock the size of king kong in its way,
money has always been tight but got tighter still, disappointments rose, the poison is too muh for me, i need an outlet now... just one before the bile will rise above what i can handle and it will kill be or leave me stronger still, cant take much more of this done even want too, life has become too hard and today when the final hope has been sbatched from me all that i can hope is that the old adage that the night is darkest before dawn comes true, because the last light at the end of a never ending tunnel seems to have been taken away, my heart clutches onto the futile hipe that its just another train passing by on the tracks of life.... but it also says this tunnel will surely end... light will strike my head again... stream down my face again....n fill it with happiness to displace all the hurt....it just hopes that it may be my angel but in casr it isnt all it knows is that a part of it is gone till it comes back again......