I went to my Angel,
My brow furrowed tense,
full of questions about the futures sense,
a wind starts to flow,
a clarity seems to grow
I seem to have just one,
just one question now,
'My angel will you love me some more'

That was number one still untitled like most of my other ones,

My heart seemed to quiver,
To shake till it would break,
a thousand hurts flowed through,
each etched deeper than the last one through,

A soothing touch reached through,
the fog enveloping me,
it grabs my hand and steadies it too,
for i seemed to be falling through,

the hurt isnt known to her,
all well as the burden she undertook,
does she think herself strong enough,
to love this bumbling buffoon,

with a calmness sure,
and strength beyond her years,
she leads me through the damp,
its extent still unsure,

The fool struggles for word,
to express his feelings for her now,
finally he settles on this,
'My Angel, my savior, the guider of this ship,
I am but a fool and no more,
and all I have to give you is myself in exchange,
for all this'

'What is this,
for it seems to be enough'
She remarks,
'My love, My loyalty and Faith for ever more'
he says, and for her its seems enough

This is the second one playing around with a few words in my head regarding the title will put it there as soon as i find one which fits,
this is my second effort with the use of a conversation at the end of the poem to lend a slightly human touch to the characters,
purposely didnt make them rhyme cause I am trying very hard to move away from that kind of poetry and come to a slightly more contemporary modern style in which I fell the raw imagery is more relevant than the rhyme scheme which is what I'm trying to grow into.....
Till Next Time,
See-Ya!!!

Was just looking through my options for a masters degree of my choice that is not an MBA but an actual MS meaning a masters degree in the engineering realm...
a thought passed through my mind, i went like this that if i do end up doing a Masters program abroad wherever that maybe I would have to take a job there and start working there for a few years atleast, now this is not the problem where the problem lies is that I am in an extraordinarily wonderful relationship right now, and touch wood it is goin to continue in the same vein for a long time but then how would this relationship be affected by this fact, I really really like this girl enough to tell her I love you and mean it but is it that much that i would be willing to string her along in a long distance relationship for a long time, would it even be fair for me to consider such a thing, i know it has only been a short while since we have been together but the reality of the matter is that i fall for her woth every passing day the more i come to know about her and the way she is,
is it fair to put her through such emotional heartbreak,
not being negative but being practical if this doesnt work out and i choose being in India and pursuing my MBA which seems to be quite a viable option would it seem ok or would i forever feel guilty, because i know people will tell me that you are onyl in your second year of college finish it you have so 2 mor eyears to go before you decide on anything what they dont seem to understand is that despite everything this world has evelved into one of intense competition and unless at this juncture i emerge ahead of the curve I will not be able to rise to the heights i had wanted to in my life to achieve the dreams I had, how would i ever explain this or even discuss it with my angel,
my best friend would listen but she probably wouldnt have any advice and my other best friend would probably just mock me to hell and back so usless there.... but will try talking to them both and see what they say... lets see what decison i come to....
right now i think its time to put my romantic cap on and after a lon time begin thinking of a poem for my angel leaving all these thoughts aside....
next should be a kickass romantic poem post....
Till Next Time
See-Ya!!!

Well its that time of the holidays.... A few days have just managed to meander by me when I'm stationed at home....
so slowly the all seemed to crawl by ensconced in the laziness...
yet deceptive in their fleet footedness the bounded away....
suddenly a conversation on the edges of our mental plane....the very outer reaches of our consciousness seem to register just a faint ripple of the cosmic imbalance surrounding us.....
we suddenly begin to shake the newly formed cobwebs from their resting places, oil up our mental cogwheels and decide to truly take stock of the changed landscape lest our time upon pass by at an all too unseemly pace.....
such a fate seems to have befallen me too....
finally some random conversation with the other residents of my house which couldnt be just differed away with a series of half hearted grunts and snorts made me awaken from my slumber of solitude...
and i began to make a list of all that i wish to accomplish in these few short weeks in Bombay.....
so here goes....

• Study maths(uugh!!!....i know but ive done the crime so gotta do the time)
• Get my passport made
• Help my cousin get his admissions stuff in order
• Get a cordless phone for the house
• Meet everyone from French
• Go for counselling
• Decide and then start makin arrangements for my postgrad studies
• Catchup on my reading
• Finally try to make sense of PHP
• Then try to create my own forum with tweaks usin the same
• last but not least COOK!!!(a few experiments will do)

this is it for now....
blogging is always gonna be a must do so never comes of...
but now that the tendrils of laziness seem to be loosening their grip i may get more frequent God knows i have a lot to express.....
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

The tongues of men,
those gilded weapons of glib,
the strokes seem to fly sure and true,
with those blades which will never dull,
till a thousand souls they have kulled

the praises they utter,
seem to be written on the sands of time,
never worth more to them than a lost dime,
even though they seem to set a thousand hearts a flutter,
for they are the sharpest tool of all,
the sweet poison which may cause,
yet a thousand innocents to fall,

The critiques though seem to be easier still,
the vilifications easier to come by,
they though are hewn on the stones of eternity,
and it takes a true mason to erode the marks away,
symbols though they are of our failings,
blunt weapons they are which leave their mark,
scars on us which must remain reminders stark

we must learn to recognise these
in all their many shades,
for it isnt the naked weapon which is deadly,
but one which strikes without a whisper,
as it cuts through the air swift and true,
for the blade which may be deflected,
may be deflected still,
but the cloaked dagger will find its mark true....

Thats all i can seem to say to sum up my feelings right now.....
I just did something i never would have thought i would do in my life...
I completely blanked in n exam....
i mean yeah im prone to these n all but never have they been so bad...
n never after so much effort....
all those nights of work... those mornings of getting up at 5 to make a mark all seem to be useless now....
i cant even bring my self to face the facts ... I FAILED....
I left n exam because i couldn't recall anything.....i couldn't prove to my self that i was smart the thing i keep tooting my horn about......
one of the most valuable things i had is now gone....
my confidence in my ability.....something despite all the exams i did badly in , all the entrance exams i couldn't crack disappeared, gone in an instant, poof!!!!
i cant even begin to think the kind of blow this will be to my parents, my mom with her unwavering confidence in me probably shattered forever, my dad his silent support always there by my side, my sis for whom i so wanted to be an idol or at least something whose some qualities could be emulated if not all......
i don't know now how to face the world and whether its all gonna be worth it any more,
yeah i have 4 more exams coming up, but how am i now supposed to tell myself that yeah u can do it, no one can hold you down, the world is for your taking?
how will i inspire confidence in my self again, how will i face not the world but my self, the world can be fooled but not myself, they can be told yeah that u know there wasn't enough effort n they wont blink, but how will i tell myself that when i have burned the midnight oil to go far yet failed,
they say that our losses will show us the path to what we have truly achieved, but i ask can i ever recover from such a loss,
another part of me seems to scream out you have the support of everyone who matters, what more do you want, yes your parents are going to be disappointed yes they will be shocked but also no matter what they are going to be by your side, they are going to help you get through these tumultuous times nto only that you have your friends the most loyal ones the ones you can truly count on,
another thing bothering me is the fact that im going to have fewer days in bombay this time round with close to none woth my angel, i hope she understands maybe this is all part of a test that God has planned out for me.....
i cant seem to wrap my head around all that is happening but one thing that i do seem to know is that
Now is the time for me to move forward, to hold my head high and stride through these dark waters, now is the time for me to pay back the confidence shown in me by all tose by my side, friends, family them all....
now is the time not to be depressed but revitalized, to consider this as a new oppurtunity for the unknown and to dive head first into this and regain the shattered confidence the world seemed to have in me no matter how long it takes..... to day is the time for me to rise stronger despite life trying to push me down further....
looking forward to cracking the next exams...
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

I guess the title says it all....its been a long time since i last posted.....
well life has been progressing at a breakneck speed at have hardly had time to collect my thoughts enough that i would be able to post.....
there was me coming back from meeting my angel....
my exams breathing down my neck.....
they goin on now btw..... :(
n lotsa other things some good some bad...
now have lotsa ideas for posts n once i hit my home base come dec 5th there is gonna be lotsa furious bloggin with me havin many ideas for stuff to write n also lotsa changes gonna be made on the blog itself so it looks much nicer, has tags for everything and is a lot cooler in every way.....
so leving the blog unattened once again till then...
this is me wishin my self best of luck for my maths exam n saying
Till Next Time...
See-Ya!!!

I dance this dance
Oh what a terrific dance,
A dance which will never truly end,
A dance to the tune of Life,

I dance with different partners through out
each with their presence flitting
their touch only grazing,
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance for the spectators umpteen,
for to with their applause,
does life's tempo resound,
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance with a mask,
one of happiness profound,
one that dare not slip for this is
a dance to the tune of life,

I dance though I tire
without a moments respite
my feet must keep moving to this
a dance to the tune of life

I grow weary with my arms leaden,
with a thousand caresses,
but never one which blesses during this
a dance to the tune of life

I search for that one
the one touch I can call my own
one which I can claim as my own during
a dance to the tune of life

I seem to be lost
just one among the crowd
who all seem to be dancing this dance
a dance to the tune of life

I seem to be destined to never stop
to never rest my feet
to never just let go as I must dance this dance
a dance to the tune of life

I must never let slip my mask
never lay a foot out of line
for I am bound to this
a dance to the tune of life

I am to remain the performer
damned to dance forever
never to stop this dance
a demonic dance to the tune of life
with a smiling mask
a crying face
and applause the only sign of respite
for the show must always go on
and this is one which will never stop to flow
as after all it is
a dance,
a dance to the tune of life

They say that life’s purpose can be fulfilled if we can find a single friend with whom to share even a moments peace with, a moments silence, a moments anger or a instant of pure joy.....
They say that we can be truly free only if we can get a helping hand to set us free.....
They say we can be truly joyous only if we find someone who won’t keep the joy they feel for us inside their heart but allow it to radiate to all around us.....
They say true friends are the ones that don’t demand a reason as to why you demanded a service but demand a reason as to why you didn’t......
They say that no man is an island, but i believe that every man is an island but friendship is the bridge that ties us together....
They say self independence is the strongest suit a man can have and in this world the strong are the ones who survive....i say with a friend like you who can ever call me weak...
They say friends are those who will listen to you when you cry... but u tell me to quiet down and that to me is true friendship indeed.....
They say friends should always be above a life partner... to them i say that with a friend like you would i ever be in danger of makin that mistake....
They say the truest friends are not those who demand promises of you but make their own.....
And with that i fully agree....
thats why Bids all i have have to say u is i promise.....
Come rain or sun or snow....
Come a thousand mountains or miles or ages.....
Come a thousand fights or breakups or enemies entwined....
Come the titans of tartarus upon these earths or indras thunderbolts of rage.....
I will stand by you and be the shoulder u need till time wears away at your bones....
Till you need me to carry you home or a place to hide your tears....
Till time stops and beyond...
Ours is a friendship that will linger on till the day of judgement is upon us and then allah himself will say this is a friendship to stay till the end of time.....

This is one of the posts I had promised courtesy a few posts back.... a lil while in coming but finally it is here.....
well im kinda confused as to how someone starts talking about something like this so pardon the clumsy as hell start....
well over the past few days there have been times where thankfully i have had time to my self to just think introspect and to analyse.....
what one might ask.....
well the thing I needed to take a long hard good look at was me it had been a long time since i had actually taken a mirror and microscope upto myself and given myself a good once over.....
well one of the things I wanted to long at this time amongst many was the truth.. no no that seems to be too harsh a thing to say ummm.... lemme think the correct thing would be the validity of the way everyone looks at me and my intelligence....
I on one hand keep acting very pompous and high and mighty about the fact that I am smart and that at one point in my life I had an IQ of 156 which is on the fairly higher side given any which scale which one might want to use as a yardstick........ this causes me to be arrogant at times and dismissive too of not only people i dont care about but even those i do care deeply about.....
this is some thing I should be very careful about because such behaviour may hurt those I care about however unintentionally........
Also I personally have started viewing myself as somewhat of a bag of hot air who just keeps promising and promising and u know like shows the possibilities but is never quite able to deliver on those promises......on thing i must realise soon enough is that this causes me to be seen not only in other peoples eyes but even my own as a blow hard......someone who brags just to fulfill his ego no matter how false those things may actually be......
i need to realise that the potential I seem to have which everyone including myself seem to be able to see is potential or anything for that matter worth being proud of if eventually in life i am able to fulfill what potential actually means.......
what it actually means to quote a web site is "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being:"
means unless I actually achieve it or even come close to it, it will always be left as a capacity.... one never fulfilled never achieved, never set on the path of growth to be there......
so now it is upto me as a person.... not as a son or friend or any of those wide variety of relationships we accept in life but as the one we didnt have a choice to accept that of being a living breathing person, whether I go out an achieve that potential of mine or not,
whether i prove all those people who seem to believe in me for no apparent reason true....
whether i make some thing out of this ability i seem to possess or do i just squander it away....
I think the time is now ripe for me to take the lead.... to take control of my life and steer it in the right direction.... with everything positive on the academic and my angel by my side I can only very strongly try to convince myself that yes enough is enough.....
no more excuses, no more procrastination
now is the time to act and its upto me to do so.....
Till next time.....
a rejuvenated and mentally lighter teenager says...
See-Ya!!!

I seem to be falling still
though time seems to have never stopped,
and it makes me realise now,

All it takes to make me fall for you again,
Is nothing much just that look in your eyes,
when I look into them after a long lonely break,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing much just the security of your arms,
wrapped around me so tight,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more just your hands around my face,
trying to rediscover every contour,
and Im still falling with no end in sight,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing mare than the thought of you by my side,
even from a million miles close,
and Im still falling for you still,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing mare than the whispers of the night,
because they are the solace i seek in loud world full of blight,
and Im still falling for you still,

All it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more than a touch of your lips,
every emotion in them right,
and Im falling for you still,

And it takes for me to fall for you again,
Is nothing more than imagining you with all the while,
because all I seem to know and care then my love,
Is that its your love Im falling into still,
with no end in sight
and all my heart seems to tell me is
I will love you even after the morn seems to turn into night again
till a time which will never seem to end......

Lots has been on my mind today and as I mentioned in my last post I was kinda choked up on how i should express everything i was feelin or even felt like saying.... so I figured that the best that i could do was to put them out in a series of posts like installments instead of all together u know what I mean...... cause I have lotsa stuff i wanna say and not all of them fall into the same category... one of it is a poem which i was finally able to write just cause i met my girl......
another is a lil introspective thing basically just my thoughts on my abilities n stuff......
the next is one where i talk bout my friends n life in general a lil bit.......
and also one where i try and figure out what is the difference between a girlfriend and a best friend and still stay absolutely confused and happy in that.....
so i sign off with my regular but promise the next time will be sooner than later....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!!!

Aah.... it feels so good to be in mumbai again or a s i like to call it bombay... :)
met my angel and that has me all smiles :) :)
went and bought a lotta crackers yesterday for my sis..... she is happy now.....
im kinda choking on what to write so will leave this post right now come back with another one on just a bit.....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!!!

Oops.....
after promising another post last night i had to dissapont cause my stupid net just wouldnt connect.....
yipes is all i can say.....
i mean the number of times i must have tried was crazy...
on top of that i got shit bored cause i had nothing to do....
went to sleep early cause my roomie wanted to sleep n because of that missed 3 calls from my angel feelin like crap bout that..... oh well will get to talk to her today yay for that....
oooh n also im goin away to mumbai for a week :) :)
Yipeee!!!!!!
gonna surprise my angel cause she thinks im comin on friday while i have managed to make it monday :) :)
dont know how the surprise is gonna work out but lets see......
hmmmm.....
thoughts all assembled, a poem for her is currently uder production will probably get fininshed by the time i reach mumbai on monday mornin......
Till next time...
See-Ya!!!!

Heylo people....
Im back.....
back to bloggin that is hadnt gone anywhere persay....
ne ways big thank you shout out to Cj for including me on his blog roll... :)
my exams went quite well... they get over tom but im not givin the last 2 exams so for me they end today...... yay!!!!!!! :) :)
been in quite a hyper mode recently dont quite know why maybe it has to do with me goin back to bombay soon :) :)
so many reasons to smile... im smiling allround :) :)
well nothing much noteworthy to report now.....
will make another post i think tonight when i have all my thoughts collected n in a concise form.....
so....
Till next time...
See-Ya!!!!

Well everybody needs to catch their breath n so do I.....
gonna be MIA on my post for a few days cause i got exams coming up n my net in college currently sucks... so heres wishing my self Best Of Luck for my exams....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!

Inspiration never escapes me,
It whispers to me every night,
It calms me, consoles me,
Makes me long for its very touch,

With it I feel emboldened,
To take on the world a new,
With it I feel secure,
To let my guard down, to relax my every sinew,

By my side I want it thus,
Not floating by on a Colombus,
A fear runs through me,
At the reality of the pure delight it provides me

The inspiration is never forgotten,
Never put out of sight,
Can never bear to lose it,
For it makes all seem right,

It makes the birds song seem clearer,
The suns sky seem more blue,
For all I know is one thing for sure,
That my Inspiration my Love is You.....

My first blog post dedicated to the angel in my life....
Till next time
See-Ya!!!

Plonk....Plonk...
Goes my friend
disturbances seem to plague him still...
with smug an expression of a dispassionate smile....
he covers it up to keep the world in denial...
the crumbs seem to be trailing this crumbling man of stone...
the rocky exterior seems to be shaky...
the cracks seem to be screaming through...
a concerned mason requests the stony man...
to slow down if not become still...
for now the cracks may be visible to the trained eye...
but soon the commons may come to know too...
could the mason do some work...
with the stony man held in counsel...
for the cracks he thinks may take a toll on the stony man
which may crumble him from inside still...

dedicated to that same dear friend...
the mason still awaits a reply my friend....
till next time...
See-Ya!!!

Floating on two wheels,
Drinking vodka neat,
Swearing by a coffee house that cant be beat,
An unruly black mop,
An engaging smile,
Bespectacled hazel eyes regarding you all their while,
Their interest flattering, curious about your existence,
Brow furrowed, gentle in his persistence,
Wanting to know the how, the why and the why not,
He implores you, entreats you, all his cases forgot,
A willing shoulder to the bereft and alone,
Shining a light on this blackened heart of stone

by a great friend
all i can say is I'm humbled beyond words can express
till next time
See-Ya!!!

Today I was just sitting in my mess today when a thought passed my mind triggered by nothing more than me seeing an event I see everyday and sometimes many times a day, but today it implored me to think..... to think of all the times I neglected what I saw... all the times I just accepted it as something so very everyday that it could be left on the periphery of my vision of the world........

The thing I witnessed was no rare occurrence in the country i reside in an an event which has left me thinking right now will pass me by a gain tomorrow and i will forget once again....

but before that happens I thought should vent my thoughts on it......

what ran through my mind was not shock, awe or any such strong emotion...... i didnt feel any strange urge to suddenly change the situation i witnessed not to engage in any battle to fight it....

i guess by now you must kinda be scratching your heads as to what the heck i am talking bout and whether reading this post is worth it at all or just ramblings of a teenage lunatic.....

well the thing i saw today was a person of the age of 'i dont know' but clearly still in the adolescence of his life if not the youth of it working the tables at my mess....

once again you may feel yeah right so what we all know that child labour is a problem in India so what

but what passed through my mind wasnt the feeling of wanting to combat child labour or any thing of that sort....

They were simple questions...... when is innocence lost????

when does taking away the youthful exuberance of life become justified?

when does anyone get to decide that the other is ready for responsibility?

when do we get to see the spark in a young ones eyes be lost in the darkness of the cruel world?

Im still thinkin bout all of this n i dont know whether i will ever find answers to these questions but all i can say is that the act of a spark in someones eyes dying is not something i want to experience for myself again.... and i kinda want to promise my self that no matter what i will decide the time my innocence is to be lost......

till next time

See-Ya!!!!

Yay!!!!! my birthday... fianlly after a year of waiting for this day to come finally it has arrived
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Last night was a blast.... my first drunken experience with 240 ml of whisky n vodka all mixed going down my throat neat....
the puking wasnt neither is the bloody huge hangover im suffering from now......
more posts when im sober....
but for now YAY!!!! its my b'day is the only symphony running throught my head accompanied by jackhammers pounding away
till my next more sober pot
See-Ya!!!

It has been a long week....
Not so much physically stressful so as mentally so but more on that later in one of my rants which i am sure i am going to get into sooner or later.....
now i think tomorrow is going to be a time for me to finally relax...
De-stress....
and Re-connect....
a time for introspection and for me to finally get down to some bloody fucking studying
i know i know as a college student why would i ever stop but one thing people soon understand bout me is that all the work in my life revolves around the fact that am I motivated enough to do it
and the only motivation that i usually have for studyin apart from the threat of exams and my families penchant for extracting promises from me is
UTTER AND COMPLETE BOREDOM!!!!!!
yup as weird as that might be I donno I havent quite been able to understand this weird reason as to why i get motivated only by boredom and i hate studies so much that i actually try to find a myriad of ways to keep myself entertained...
quite successfully too... :)
but today my only motivation to study is gonna be the angel I have waiting for me back home
my girl.... :) :)
just thinkin bout her gives me a glow inside....
lots of my work as in poems n shit I'm gonna post here is gonna be for her
I've written quite a bit already and will post it as soon as i get time.....
till next time
See-Ya

Well this is my first post on my first blog ever.....
don tknow how its gonna turn out or what its gonna be about but im turning 19 in a coupla days and i always wanted to have a blog with a name like Manifests Of a Teenage Mind......
So There i created it and tah-dah!!! Im Blogging.....
it may take me a while to get used to this..
depends on how addicted i get.. and how occupied i am some times i may blog multiple times in a single hour at others not for several days i guess it all depends upon my mood and inclination at that time i kinda think that blogging should be about expressing ones self whenever one is in the mood to do so and thats exactly what im gonna do...
so till my next post...
See-Ya!!!